I am too pale to be a Summer gal. I don’t like beach vacations. Anytime I go outside I have to lather in sunscreen. My electricity bill is almost twice what it normally is. Wearing clothing at all while outside is a punishment, and while the idea of sitting beneath an umbrella reading by the sea does intrigue me, it’s always too hot. That’s the real problem with Summer it’s too Damn Hot.
I grew up in Kemah, Texas, a small seaside town on the Gulf Coast of the United States. During the Summer the norm temperature is around 96 degrees and up. In August going outside during the day means braving a sun that laughs at your attempt to enjoy the outdoors. The moment you step outside every good feeling inside your body melts with your skin. Heat, pure humidity, seeps into your bones. Everything feels wrong, bad, disgusting.
Summer is also the worst because I have a black car, which means getting into it is like diving straight into an erupting volcano. My thighs not only burn on the black leather seats, but after they cool to normal temperatures my skin then sticks to the leather, and when I get up its like ripping a band aid off of sunburned legs–I swear sometimes I hear my skin scream as I fumble out of my car. I despise Summer, it’s my least favorite part of the year, and living in Texas that means I hate being alive for about 7/12 months, because here Summer almost NEVER ENDS.
My arch-nemeses thrive during Summer. June Bugs. Fire Ants. Spiders. The nasty, little creatures that love making my life pure Hell. I have to avoid patios, and front doors during the summer because that’s where the June Bugs hang out, and for some reason anytime I come near them they take off and go straight for my hair; which doesn’t seem terrifying but then, after they reach my hair, THEY GET STUCK IN IT. My hatred for fire ants and spiders simply stem from how horrible their bites are. I once climbed a sand hill, which turned out to be a massive fire ant hill, and in the end had to be hosed down by my father–clothes still on–to get them all off me.
I was not born to live near the Equator. My pale skin is too weak to survive here. One day I will move North, anywhere North, and will then complain about the harshness of winter, but for now, I will sit near a fan and nurse the sunburn I’ve already suffered this year. Someone come let me out of my apartment when Fall arrives.
Happy July everyone! Have any Summer horror stories? Or perhaps you love Summer and would like to trade places with me? Let me know in the comments down below:)