Well. It’s finally happening. As of this coming Friday (August 23, 2019), I will be leaving the USA to start a master’s degree in creative writing at University College Cork in Cork, Ireland.
I’m excited? And terrified? Mainly tired more than anything else. It’s weird that I’m actually doing what I’ve dreamed of doing for so long. I remember being 8 years old, vacationing in Ireland for the first time, and thinking “man, one day I’m going to move to here. I’m going to have a castle and dogs and cats and sheep.” And then in high school I set this arbitrary goal of moving to Ireland before I’m 25 (I’m 24 now), and now that I’m doing it, it doesn’t feel real. I’ve paid all my fees and have everything ready to go, but it still feels like at any moment I’m going to get a “Whoops we made a mistake you can’t come” email.
Is that normal? I’m not sure. I know some of it is a manifestation of my anxiety, and the other bit comes from me thinking I’m not good enough to be amongst other writers–which is ridiculous. I am a good writer. I AM.
The hardest part is that I have to leave my cat, Artemis, behind (don’t worry, he’s staying with my parents for the year. They also have a cat so he’s having tons of fun). Artemis is my security blanket. He’s who I could always count on greeting me at the door after a long day of work. Just sitting with him on the couch was enough to eleviate most stresses. Am I going to have to replace him with an actual human being?
The second hardest part is leaving my friends & family behind. Thankfully, most of my closest friends I have lived far distances from before so that’s not a big deal. I’ll talk to them just as much as I used to. I’ve met some pretty special people in Dallas (yah you, you idiot) and a part of me doesn’t want to leave them at all. The part of me that is excited as hell to live in Ireland tends to win that battle though.
I’ve never had to say so many heart felt goodbyes before. I haven’t really cried yet–not since leaving Dallas. I’m sure it’ll come that first night I spend alone in Cork. I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m so much better prepared (emotionally and physically) to go to school again so I’m hoping this time around it goes a bit smoother than my undergrad did.
I have to remind myself constantly that this is a good thing. It’s okay that I quit my IT job after years of saving in order to pursue my passion. Change is good. But change is also very scary and I just hope I’ve grown enough over these past two years to handle what’s coming. If not, I’ll just go cry with the banshee and slowly sink into a bog. They’ll find my body in a few decades and I’ll make for an interesting piece in an exhibit.
See you soon (in Ireland),
If you have any really cool travel reccomendations for small, rural Irish towns, please let me know. I’ll also gladly take some Europe suggestions as well, just unsure if I’ll have the time to make any grand travels.
Thanks for Reading!